Friday Short Story #5: Monogamy

Prompt from my Aunt Susan: Comedy, girl can’t decide between 2 lovers, marries both and has to juggle

It was all working so well, until now.

I met David and Walter at just about the same time. I think there must have been something in the air that spring. Everywhere you looked you could find couples, or the beginnings of them. It was wonderful!

When it first started, my girlfriends and I were just getting a lot of attention. A small gift here, a lunch date there. It’s not that we didn’t see it coming. On the contrary, we expected it! We were the right age, the times were good for all of us. It only made sense that love was blooming all around us.

As time went on though, each of my girlfriends were pairing up. It seemed like each day I’d find out some new couple was settling down and starting a family. That was when I started to get a bit worried. When was I going to find the right one? This entire spring had been so fun, I just wanted it to go on forever. Especially all the free lunch dates! So, I carried on for a while until I met Walter.

One day, we got one of those rogue spring snow storms that happens now and again. I had been out on my own to run a few errands and got stuck in it. Thinking I was going to have to slog my way home all alone and cold. I see this man waving at me through the flurry of snow. I rushed to catch up to him, a total stranger mind you, and he immediately took me under his wing to help stay warm and dry as we walked each other home. We talked, and laughed, and I never felt safer in my entire life. It was very romantic.

After that, we started seeing each other fairly regularly and his compassionate nature continued to shine. He said sweet things to me, brought me amazing food, and even didn’t mind when I went out with the girls to swim or just generally have me time. It is rare to find a man who can be that sensitive without crossing the line into smothering you.

A few weeks of pure bliss went by and it was looking like I might have found the one. But, one day after a long swim with the girls, I find this beautiful gift waiting for me at home. No note, no one around. Just a wonderful dinner waiting for me after being gone all day. My first thought was that Walter was getting ready to propose.

So, the next day, while Walter and I were together I decided to tease him about it. I dropped hints like “I didn’t know you like to surprise people,” and “good job getting past my friends, no one saw you even drop it off.” But each time he just got more confused! Frustrated, I finally told him I loved the dinner.

He didn’t bring me any dinner.

Naturally, this resulted in a pretty awkward date, but neither of us thought anything of it. Walking home that night, I found another gift waiting for me at home. Again, no one had seen who left it.

This went on for days. Every night, I would come home to some new gift from this secret admirer. Honestly it was starting to really creep me out even though the gifts were lovely. After a talk with the girls, I decided I needed to finally get to the bottom of this. So, one day, I cancelled my date with Walter saying I was sick and just sat at home all day.

Low and behold, after a half a day of waiting, up strolls this man I have never seen before in my life. When he saw I was home, he turned to try to run but I called him out on the spot! Abashed, he slowly walked back to see me.

When he finally looked up from his feet, my heart fluttered at just how handsome he was. His present this time? The biggest most beautiful rock I had ever seen! Every single girl in town would be wildly jealous. I am not going to deny. Those looks and all those gifts, I fell for him on the spot.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m terrible. Two-timing lovers is never a good idea. But I still loved Walter desperately. On the other hand, I couldn’t deny my chemistry with David - not to mention the security he offered. So what did I do? I married them both.

How did I pull that off? Well, having a large number of girlfriends to help you keep the right people busy at the right time has a lot to do with it. But David’s secretive nature also helped keep them separate. I mean, he was courting me under Walter’s nose the whole time. No reason to think he couldn’t keep it up.

But now… they both want a child.

I can’t very well can’t go through TWO pregnancies at the same time! One of them is going to end up disappointed. Do I give the child to one of them and just hope I picked the actual father? What do I tell the other man that just saw me pregnant when I don’t have an egg to give him at the end of spring?

Why did I have to be born a penguin! All the other birds around here just pair up at random. Monogamy is just too hard.

*Post-note*: You didn't say anything about the girl being human so I decided to have a bit of fun. I hope you still like the story! FYI Emperor Penguins are monogamous as are a lot of large sea birds. The females are courted by males with gifts of rocks and things like that. Then the female lays a single egg and gives it to the male to keep for 2 months while she fishes. She then returns to him to feed him and the new chick with the food she has stored in her body over the long trip. I highly suggest that you should re-read the story now that you have the punch line for additional fun.